New Year’s Resolutions = February Excuses

2013Forgive me. If you read my previous rant (see here), then you know I’ve been in a bit of a mood lately. I probably should open 2013 with something more positive, but I just ain’t feeling it.

The thing is, everyone loves to talk about health and their resolutions for the New Year. Social media has made this more possible than ever, so maybe I’m just reacting to the noise of it all.

But if I read another celebration of quinoa because it’s a “complete protein,” I’m going to vomit. If I hear one more person say 2013 is the year they’ll run a marathon, I’m going to strangle them. To hear someone complain about back pain so bad they have to take Aleve every day, but they won’t consider giving up sugar, makes me simultaneously want to cry and rip all my hair out.

I know that nobody is reading this who hasn’t at least familiarized themselves with Paleo. So, preaching + choir and all that. But let’s break this down, shall we?

  1. Are you actually saying that the way you feel and look everyday of your life isn’t worth saying no to a food/drink?
  2. Folks, this ain't an accident.

    Folks, this ain’t an accident.

    Are you saying that you’d rather torture yourself with workouts to atone for your dietary sins? Really?! Because here’s the deal—IT DOESN’T WORK. You are Sisyphus with his rock. You will not succeed this way. How do I know? Because I did it for years. I worked out, hard, 5x a week and continued to eat pizza and ice cream, as well as the aforementioned abomination known as quinoa, black beans, whole wheat tortillas—ay yi yi! Once your body has decided it’s had enough, there is nothing more to do but CHANGE YOUR LIFE. If you believe that calories exist in the world and that you can lose weight by burning them off, please educate yourself and go read That Paleo Guy, Jamie Scott’s explanation here, and be sure to read part 2 too.

  3. You would rather be stubborn and dig in your heels than feel better? You’d rather take a pill that causes side effects than actually address the root cause?
  4. You’d rather ignore cutting edge research and a growing mountain of anecdotal evidence because USAToday says it’s okay to eat wheat/sugar/whatever reinforces your addictions? You’ve seen the results right in front of you, but you’d rather just dismiss it as crazy hippie bullshit?
  5. You’d rather commit to a future in a nursing home in diapers, drooling on yourself, unable to recognize the people who love you far sooner than your own parents and grandparents? Really?!

Because that’s what I hear when someone says, “I could never give up pasta/bread/whatever!” “I’ll never give up sugar.” “I could never eat all that meat!”



What you are actually saying to yourself is, “I don’t matter. My health is not a priority. My addictions to industrialized food and my loyalty to Nabisco are far more important to me than feeling good and actually addressing the root cause of all that ails me.”

You are a smoker who won’t stop smoking cigarettes despite the mountain of evidence in front of you.

You are ceding control of your life, because the minute you get a diagnosis, you are stuck. You no longer belong to yourself. You belong to the pharmaceutical industry, the government who will be managing your “healthcare”, the low-fat foods made in a factory/laboratory with GMO grains that devastate our environment and only serve to continue the cycle of illness you’re experiencing in the first place, the CAFOs that also devastate our environment and are the living scenario out of a bad sci-fi novel, and the nursing homes that will be full to bursting in another 10-20 years with human wreckage staffed with under-paid, under-qualified people.

I don’t know what to say but I’m sorry. But you’re an adult and it’s your choice. But could you at least quit whining about it?

Quit recycling excuses and throw them away.

Quit recycling excuses and throw them away.

I’ve had it with the relativist garbage. There are many, many ways to weight loss, but far fewer to actual, vital, optimal health. I mean, maybe heroin, meth, and Jenny Craig will get you to a number on a scale, but is that really the goal? For some, sadly, the answer is “Yes.” But they are wrong. I’m tired of nodding quietly and affirming their bad choices. Because heroin and Jenny Craig have no consideration for your gut microbiome, your immune system, or the way your cells communicate with each other to either create health or disease. If you focus on the number on the scale, you are missing the bigger picture.

For you committed Paleos out there, resolve to do it EVEN BETTER this year. Sign up for that CSA, go meet your farmers, eat seasonally with your fruits and vegetables. Where can you recommit? What more can you explore?

For anyone who’s not, instead of resolving to “lose weight” or run 26.2 miles of futility, resolve to do your research. Resolve to get to the bottom of it. Resolve to do better for yourself, to align your body with the world in which it evolved (or was given, depending on your views). To find joy and ease in sunshine, real food, friends and family. To leave behind that which doesn’t serve you.

Because you deserve better. And this year, I’d like to be a little less heart-broken for you.


11 Responses to “New Year’s Resolutions = February Excuses”

  1. Great post and very well said!

  2. This was exactly what I needed to read today. Perfect timing for the new year. Thanks you! Hope your new year is without excuses as well =)

  3. Christine Fletcher Reply 12/31/2012 at 4:18 pm

    Great rant! Thank you for reinforcing what I’ve been telling myself lately. I too am tired of the quinoa hype and the hype about other “nutritious whole grains” and people’s loyalty to crap masquerading as “food.” Bookmarked this post for future use. :-)

  4. Amen! Well said!

  5. I just wish some of my relatives would read this. Great post, thank you.

  6. Great energy! :)

  7. I’m def taking some of these suggestions to heart! I always make these unreasonable promises to myself and then I get all pissed when I don’t keep them. Not this year!

  8. Oh my goshness I love this! And please forgive the use of goshness, it’s truly one of my highest expressions of awe in written form :)

  9. Love it! I was at the movies yesterday and my companion could not understand why I didn’t want popcorn. I don’t know why it was such a big deal to her, but it WAS a big deal that I didn’t want to eat any of it. It’s not a treat to me (although wine.. yes, that is). It’s a treat to have joints that don’t ache any more, skin that doesn’t break out and to always fit my clothes. Every day, all the time. Is this so hard for people to get?

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